I'm not born for that

It feels like living in this world nowadays is not effin' easy, you gotta make yourself fit like in some environment or group.
and sometimes you did some stuffs that you don't like..and the reason why you do it? is just to make them accept and admit you. Kid, it happens when you can't do with on your own.

I've been to places of "it-can-give-you-happiness"
I saw tons of people who were trying to get as high as possible,sneak in the dark, then getting lost in the music with watery red eyes, acting like there's nothing happenend, show them that they are fine..
Then I thought about it, is this what the world calls "cool" today?
I could smoke packs of ciggarette,drunk alcohol as much as I want, smoke pot,
but still wouldnt be satisfied. I feel that..I'm not live for that.

Maybe you think I'm hypocrite living in the double life,admiring God, but still playing around to fulfill my lust and desire with this.
Trust me, I'm just a normal human, I'm weak
I've been thinking about it a lot, having fun at the night then feel guilty in the next morning. and I keep doing that.. In some points I feel tired. I found my self that I was chasing a life full of lies and emptiness. I realize that what used to be cool doesn't excite me anymore.
I stared at the fake I've made, and feel like I'm one of the social trends slave.
So here I am, pull my self from those "cool" stuff and keep trying to close to my Dad.my everything.my true happiness.

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